I heard a quote this week at church that had me laughing but also shaking at the knees at the same time. It goes something like this, “The people of Arizona don’t fear Hell because of the heat, yet they don’t need Heaven because of the winter season.” Going there for a couple of days had me truly believing the first part of that quote. It is hotter than, or maybe just as hot as Hell, I’m not sure which one.
In my last post I talked about big changes headed our way and in case you missed the announcement, we are moving to Mesa, AZ. Levi was offered a job to teach seminary at Mountain View High School. Honestly this job offer came as a complete surprise. Levi is majoring in Advertising, and is graduating this month. Until this job offer he already had a full-time job at the LDS Missionary Training Center. We already had salary, benefits, routine, plans, a vision for what our life would look like. We honestly did not think our life plan would include teaching seminary away from both of our families. Levi decided to teach seminary as a part-time thing, mostly because he loved teaching so I never expected that it would become a full-time career but God, obviously, had other plans for us. We received the call literally less than a month ago. As the man offering the position spoke I felt skepticism filling my heart. There was just no way that we would drop our routine for a completely different lifestyle. The minute he said the words Mesa, AZ the skepticism started to fade away and fear started to replace it. I knew that we were supposed to go there and that scared me more than anything. I can’t really explain how I knew it, but I knew it. We were leaving Utah. The reality of the situation we were in hit me like a ton of bricks and I felt that my life would be changed in so many ways.
The church sent us out there for a few days to find housing and although it wasn’t a vacation by any means, (trips with babies are not the easiest thing in the world) it was a time where we felt really good about AZ. Things really lined up for us as well. We found a beautiful condo thanks to our beautiful friend Kimmy and we were able to eat at some pretty amazing restaurants. I’ve already been making Arizona friends. There are a lot of exciting and good things happening, I just can’t help but feel sad about what I’m leaving behind.
I guess I just thought I knew what my life was going to look like and where we were going to be for at least the next five years. When going down to Arizona we met a few of the seminary teachers down there that said they too had similar experiences. They too never dreamed of doing seminary or living in Arizona but there they still were…15 years later. That scared me honestly. I guess just the thought that I could “end up” in Arizona. And honestly it doesn’t have anything to do with Arizona, it could be New York, Idaho, anywhere but Utah and I would feel the same way. It’s just that CHANGE is taking over my life and therefore I feel like I don’t have control over my life. It’s that for once my life looks completely uncertain.
Don’t get me wrong there are a lot of things that I am excited about. I think the move will be really good for our little family. It’ll be a time where we have to stick together and strengthen our relationship since we will only have each other. I think the move will be good for me in the sense that I will have to reach out and make new friends. Be social again. (Heaven forbid haha) It will help us to truly let go of our families and become real adults. Most importantly, the move will be good for us because we know we are supposed to be there. For whatever reason, Arizona is calling to us, and I’m trying to be brave and strong.
For now, I’m not super brave or strong. In fact most days I sit on my couch watching Gilmore Girls and pretend that I too live in a small town where I never have to leave my family and friends. I haven’t even started packing. We are leaving next Tuesday and I haven’t even started to try to organize things. I’m in denial and I know it. Someone help me!! But in all seriousness, if anyone is from Arizona or lives in Arizona currently, lets connect. I’m needing all the Arizona love I can get right now.
P.s. Look how big Clair is getting!